We’re all dying to know the answer to a question we are afraid to ask.
But at the same time, are we ready to hear the truth? Are we even close to handling it?
Or are we in it just because we are curious as to where it will lead.
What if we have everything right now, for the first time and we are terrified of losing it.
That’s it. I’m falling all over again. And it feels so great.
Aujourd’hui, j’ai essayé d’observer ma vie d’un oeil extérieur et j’ai enfin pu apprécier “The Big Picture”. Et, je dois avouer que j’aime beaucoup de que je vois.
Aujourd’hui, rien ne me manquait. Ni le passé, ni le futur imaginé que je monte dans ma tête afin de me rassurer. Aujourd’hui, j’ai vécu le aujourd’hui, et il n’y a rien de plus beau que d’apprécier le moment présent sans s’inquiéter de ce qui va arriver.
On m’a dit aujourd’hui que je ressemblais à une poupée. On m’a acheté une chopine de bleuets. Et l’on m’a accroché une affiche de Edward dans mon cubicule. Ça semble pas rapport, mais quand tes collègues te traitent comme un membre de leur famille, rien ne peut mal aller.
On m’a aussi demander de traduire un texte et un quelqu’un y avait agrafé une note : ” Can you please translate this sunshine? You are the best translator in the world!!!!! 
“.
How the HELL can one have a bad day??
Sometimes, I wonder if the universe decides what happens to us. When we understand something, does it get suddenly easier? And if we don’t, is it desperately trying to teach us?
I’ve been spending the last week, searching for who I am. And I know the following so far:
- I’m almost a quarter of a century and do not act nor look like it.
- I don’t think of consequences.
- I am very impulsive, in a good way.
- The men in my life have always pushed me a certain way -either to travel, or to move and strive for what I am good at. So, thank you.
- I like to paint.
- I love to cook.
- I dislike gardening. I really tried to like it but it’s more of a burden than a hobby. Let’s get real.
- I spend most of my free time at Chapters or Michaels the Craft Store. I could spend hours in either.
- I like to bike to random places and somewhat get lost. I love to be in a place that is foreign to me because it makes me figure things out.
- When I am determined, I do not hesitate.
- I love to fantasize and create scenarios in my head.
- I shy away from emotion. Of. Any. Kind. My old job turned me into a robot. Screw la cloche.
- I hate feeling like I need to run after something/someone in order to be happy.
- I miss my friends. (Particularly this week).
- I miss myself when I was more naïve. I seemed to enjoy myself more when I wasn’t aware of much. I was so oblivious- it was like being on a natural high. Now, I seem to analyze things more and just get lost in my thoughts = con fu zion.
- I really need to plant this tomato plant next to me, it’s been in a plain yogurt container for 2 weeks!
- I need to stop asking myself why. WHY?? WHY??? Pourquoi? Tabernak.
- I’m single, like a kraft cheese slice. WHERE THE HELL IS MY TOAST?
I’m getting better everyday at this soul-searching thing. Really. I promise.
- You are not the one for me. You will not be the father of my children and we will never live together. Please come pick your things up now.
- It’s not about waiting for the storm to pass, but rather learning on how to dance in the rain.
- Sometimes we pay more attention to the door that has closed than the one that has opened.
-Trans- po po
-Don’t sweat the small stuff
- Yellow!
- I want pink
- I miss my steak and grilled cheese
- I miss the before
- Now I’m really living it on my own
- If you haven’t booked it yet, it means you do not want to be with me.
- Let’s call the whole thing off
- Today, go jump on your bed!
From the moment we are born into this world, we are fed all these Disney fairy tales : Snow White, Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, and Sleeping Beauty. What do they all have in common? All the women in these stories faint or get into some kind of trouble until the knight in shining armour comes to rescue them.
After watching all these delusional fairy tales, I started to truly believe that life revolved around a knight coming to save you from whatever it was that was going wrong in your life.
After a few dates, he would bend over enough to come wake you up after having eaten a poisoned apple, or fight for you in the form of a beast on a rooftop while it’s raining and thundering like crazy. And of course, after all this, he would magically turn into a handsome, rich prince who would then propose to you. And you would both live happily ever after.
In the last few years, I learned that if you wait for your prince, you’ll never get anywhere. You have to fight for yourself, pay your own bills, and no one will come to your rescue if you are in danger.
I wish I could forget the fairy tale and focus on 2009.
There’s no fairy god mother to teleport me somewhere, or mice to sew me a nice gown.
Which sucks because I can’t sew.
It is now past 4:30 am and we are Sunday. For some odd reason, I cannot fall asleep.
So I decided to paint 3 canvas’, decorate my apartment and sketch the view from my balcony. I’m in my happy place, with my Ipod and my thoughts.
I’m a giant dreamer. I used to dream all the time. And then, since I moved to this new town, I do not have time to dream. The bus ride is too short, or I need to focus on the road when I ride my bike. When I am at work, I need to focus on my projects and have no time to make up little scenarios of what I want and do not want in my head.
Today, I dreamt all day, and I guess my mind was too awake to go to sleep.
Dreaming provided comfort and reassurance to me. I know that when I dream, I am with myself and only myself.
I have thought about a lot of things today. My career, my romatic life, my friends.
For the first time in a while, I let myself be seriously angry at a few people and then let it all go. I guess I hadn’t taken the time to do that recently.
I also reflected on all the change which happened in my life recently. What upset me, what did not upset me. What I want and what I do not want.
Sometimes you have something but you feel like it isn’t accessible.
Other times, you think you have what you need but you find out it was not what you expected all along.
The only thing you should want, is what you already have. That’s what makes one happy.
And what happens when you want more? It’s human nature. We always want more. You give me your hand, I’ll want your arm. You give me your heart and I’ll want your entire existence. I guess that applies to when people get married.
I do not like to expect things. So I don’t anymore. Now, I just dream about it and no one will ever know .
Besides, your dream might not be the dream of another. I’d love to dream and find someone I know in my dream sharing the same thought. Imagine two stick people walking around the edges of a black hole :
- This is my dream…
- Ahem, you’re in MY dream!
- Why don’t you get your own dream?
- Apparently, we dream of the same things.
- I guess we’re meant to be then.
- I think so. Want to venture into this black hole with me?
I’d love to be a stick figure.
I come here everyday. I wish I could make it come to life. I could lay in the grass. Walk barefoot. Or just stare at the endless blue sky while smelling the flowers around me. Sort of like Alice in Wonderland minus the drastic size changes and Mad Hatter. There are enough of Mad Hatters in the real world.
